This just in Hippo swallows Midget!!!!!!!!

[Tx_boy]

I got this in an e-mail today!!!!!

[Vampyrate]

that is disturbingly funny...

you hilarious sicko

oh well, i already know im going to hell from that one thread... this just pushed me a level lower

[Tx_boy]

Ya I thought it was funny!!!!!!!!

Check out how this guy gets knocked out!!!!!!!!

http://video.craveonline.com/video/comingsoon/?showVideo=1910

[Vampyrate]

you really do want to see me in hell dont you? damn you and your hilarities! *shakes fist*

we need a fist shaking smiley, i have yet to find one

[Tx_boy]

This is like maybe a Quarter of what I get here at work. Some stuff I am not really sure if I can put on here so how about I e-mail you and you can decide. Oh I am probably 10X more likely to go over this stuff than you are. LOL

[Vampyrate]

hahaha yeah, my email address is in my profile... or you could just send it to:
vampyratexd@gmail.com
or
amd6r@uvawise.edu either one will work, i check both every day at least 10x

[Tx_boy]

Get ready to fall out of your seat!!!!!!!!!!

[Vampyrate]

im sitting in a bean bag chair... and its comfy... but okay, im ready

[Tx_boy]

Just dropped like 10!!!!!!!!!!!

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________



OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________





SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________





GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
___ __________________________





HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love
him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try
to understand her at all.
______________________________





LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are
a lot more willing to die.
______________________________





PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she
does.
_____________________________





DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a
newargument.
_____________________________


HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the
ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started
doing the same thing to them at funerals.

[Vampyrate]

if you are into math, find the one that proves mathematically (which never lies unless you suck at math) women are the root of all evil

a classic, but good.

[Tx_boy]

**** my mom got her Master's in Mathematics. Let me try to google it.

Found it!!!!!!!

[Vampyrate]

okay
that works then... and if you are into literature, which i am

its proven that 2+2 doesn't equal 4

2+2 either equals:

5
or
chair (comedy centra)

[Tx_boy]

*LOST**LOST**LOST**LOST**LOST**LOST**LOST**LOST**L OST**LOST**LOST**LOST**LOST**LOST**LOST**LOST* :confused: :confused:

[Vampyrate]

from "1984" by Orwell: 2+2=5

and from a comedy central bit (dont remember comedian): 2+2=chair

[Tx_boy]

Had to google it. Never read the book. Have you read the art of war. Now that is my type of book to read!!!!!!!!1

[n0c]

I think you will like 1984. :D
I like reading your threads man lol.

Women = Time x Money [Women are time and money]
---Time = Money [But time is equal to money]
->Women = (Money)^2
---(Evil)^1/2 = Money [Root of all evil is money]
->Women = [(Evil)^1/2]^2
Women = Evil

[Vampyrate]

here's one, another classic:
WHY CONDOMS COME IN BOXES OF 3, 6, and 12


A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks,"What are these, Dad? To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."Oh I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package? " The dad replies,"Those are for high school boys: ONE for Friday, ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday." "Cool," says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" Those are
for college men," the dad answers: TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack. With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, "Those are for the married men: ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March....etc."

[soullesselantra]

young man walks into a drugstore and asks how much for a pack of condoms, the clerk replies $5.99 plus tax...confused the guy looks at teh clerk and says tacks?! i thought they stayed on by themselves?!

[Vampyrate]

3 men walk into a bar, 4th guy ducks.

[soullesselantra]

repost from another joke thread...lol

Christopher Reeves walks into a bar...(since we're all goin to hell ill keep it goin)

[Vampyrate]

NEWS UPDATE: Chuck Norris killed by a hampster


meh, not as strong, but why not commit blasphemous acts against the church of norris?

[soullesselantra]

booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

[Estopatitiana]

those pics make me sick



SICK

[soullesselantra]

you really do want to see me in hell dont you? damn you and your hilarities! *shakes fist*

we need a fist shaking smiley, i have yet to find one


i think i got ya aaron... :D http://www.solsociety.com/forum/style_emoticons/default/ranting.gifhttp://www.crownvic.net/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/tantrum.gifhttp://www.stangbangerz.com/forums/images/smilies/drunk.gifhttp://www.stangbangerz.com/forums/images/smilies/punch.gifhttp://www.solsociety.com/forum/style_emoticons/default/robot.gifhttp://www.solsociety.com/forum/style_emoticons/default/boff.gifhttp://www.solsociety.com/forum/style_emoticons/default/woot_jump.gif

[SuperGLS]

That's why I don't jump on trampolines, because you never know where the hippos are hiding with their mouths open.

[tharptroy]

I guess this makes for reason number 9999999 to carry a big sharp knife

[ArunSenior04]

Snake regurgitates hippo. (kinda gross i suppose)
http://www.thatvideosite.com/view/2067.html

[Vampyrate]

That's why I don't jump on trampolines, because you never know where the hippos are hiding with their mouths open.
james, why must you post such funny things?