Tuff times.....

[Hyundia_90250]

Sorry for a leave of absence......but my life has just ended as I know it.......my wife and I have been sperated for a lil over 2 months.....not sure if we are going to get divorced or not.....been pretty tuff....my XD put on about 7000+ miles in the last 2 months.....I ask fellow XD'ers to pray for me and if you have a mate in your life.....remember how blessed it is......in case anyone wants to know what I'm feeling.....read this:


"Right Here" by Staind

I know I've been mistaken
But just give me a break and see the changes that I've made
I've got some imperfections
But how can you collect them all and throw them in my face

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I hope you're not intending
To be so condescending it's as much as i can take
and you're so independent
you just refuse to bend so I keep bending till I break

But you always find a way to keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if you chose to walk away I'd still be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep you right here waiting

I've made a commitment
I'm willing to bleed for you
I needed fulfillment
I found what I need in you

Why can't you just forgive me
I don't want to relive all the mistakes I've made along the way
But I always find a way to keep you right here waiting
I always find the words to say to keep you right here waiting

But you always find a way
To keep me right here waiting
You always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting
And if I chose to walk away would you be right here waiting
Searching for the things to say to keep me right here waiting


I don't want to loose her......but looks like she's gone allready.....I didn't have an affiar with someone else....but it was a problem that I couldn't see.... :help: :(

[GrGaKC]

Well, my prayers are with you, and I hope everything works out, altho from what I gather it'll be hard...

[subvibe99]

Keep your head up man. No matter what the outcome, it could be the beginning of something much better.

[jalmir]

I'm all with you on that, just lived through that, it's not fun at all, it's being 6 months now for me and I'm getting out of it, the job helps but lets face it : it's hard!

I just let her go after a month, after all even if it's about 2 persons, if one is unhappy, then both will be, I know it's hard but if she already made up her mind, don't force her, it'll be worst if you convince her and she finally found that she made the wrong choice ...

To be honest it was the woman of my life (at least that's what I thought at the time), so I know how it's hard and difficult, but it's easier when you face it, when you try to supress everything and try to act like nothing happened, it becomes quite hard!

Good luck and all my thoughts are for you!

[zx2uner]

We'll pray for you....keep your head high....things always have a way of working out for the better....eventhough it may not be the way you had planned....the lord knows what he's doing ;)

[fifthgear]

I've been through some tough times with my special lady, so indeed my prayers and support are with you.

[evan938]

eh, this is one of the reasons i was not upset about being single for so long...never really dated anyone (except for a short 4 monther in like 8th grade...lol) until i met this girl a few months ago...the one thing i hate/fear more than anything in a relationship is that exactly...almost like its wasted time, and you'll never know its gonna happen until it does...only time can tell

and to get over it, just go bang her sister or something

lol...jk... you'll be ok

[Hyundia_90250]

Well today was a complete S.N.A.F.U. we were suppost to goto a couples group today...got there late(started @ 5, got there @ 5:30) and no one there....she got upset and told her parents that I lied about the meeting, did it just to spend time with her.....well I think I'll just leave her alone and move on...BUT...still keep the door open and see.....we both agree that if we can commuicate better, there will be less misunderstanding, leading to less argruments, which is followed by getting along, heading to the "Who knows....."....it seems that she doesn't want me in her life anymore....but like I said...who knows....Oh yeah.....even though I am hurting as I am now....I wouldn't change the past if I could.....B.T.W. my wife will be in torronto next month....trainging for her job...anyone willing to follow her for me??....lol, just kiddin....But in all I am thankfull for her and your hopes and prayers...I need all I can get......so since I'm single(execpt on paperwork),any female XD'ers wanna go out????

[Cypher]

not many women frequent this forum unfortuately lol

[2k2GT]

not many women frequent this forum unfortuately lol
oh come on. someone pretends to be one, please?

[Hyundia_90250]

O.k. this weekend is kind of confusing me.....my wife came over to her parents house while I was there helping my father-n-law dig a sewer line...acts like everything is fine......still hates me but is civil I guess I could say......well just a little while ago I get an e-mail from her saying she wants a divorce....yesterday she didn't mention or ask me if I got her e-mail.....plus she has told no one other than me that she wants a divorce...so the question is........Does she want it or what??????......Or is she just confused and is taking the defensive stance???......will marrage counseling help????????????

[jayupark]

Yes, try a good certified marriage counsellor if you can...
www.family.org has some good leads, but you can find other places as well.

I'll send out a pray for you brother. Stand strong.

[Hyundia_90250]

Well this moring we fought because she needed me to watch the kids,she didn't even ask me if I had plans first,told her I'm starting my life over, an couldn't......got pissed off saying that I'm "being selfish"........now I found out that she told her step-mom that I'll be "getting paperwork at the begining of the year"......we'll see I guess.....

[robs02elantra]

Yes, try a good certified marriage counsellor if you can...
www.family.org has some good leads, but you can find other places as well.

I'll send out a pray for you brother. Stand strong.

YES! Focus on the Family. You couldn't have given a better resource, I was so glad to see that someone had put it up there. Take it a step further man, go out and get a copy of the book "Love must be tough" by Dr.James Dobson. I've read the book before (and even suggested it on here before). The book is devoted to people (more so men, if I remember rightly) who are going to be looking at divorce coming from their spouse in the near future. It might not fix the marriage, it may not even get your wife to love you again. It will show you where things went wrong, and help you right them, while at the same time show you the best way to keep things good with your spouse and maximize the chances of things working out. Again, nothing is guaranteed, but it is the best option and you obviously want to make it work, so it's worth a try, right?

I'll be praying for you. Keep strong and continue to do the same.

Rob

[Hyundia_90250]

Thanks to all the XD'ers thru this tuff time.......I'm gonna look for the book Rob....as for it being saved there is no chance unless God puts his hand in this and it looks like He is staying out of it,though I will not blame Him....its just that I have never been out on my own like this...usually I had the army but now it's all on me.....guess I'm a lil nervous of failing,not for my sake but my son since Ashley is not my daughter,but I feel bad for her too......

[toymachine566]

hey man,
i went through this same thing this year in march only my son was about 10 months old at the time. i had no idea what was going through her head either, she didnt say a word. I left for work that morning, she told me she loved me and would see me later, i get home from work and everything is gone from my pictures to tables to the microwave and drained my bank accounts so i had like $300 left (from $4000). i was devastated. she wouldnt answer her phone, i went to her house to see if she was there and nothing. next day got slapped with some divorce papers, following day got myself a PFA (protection from abuse) from her as well. right then i knew her family was involved (read: shes not THAT smart). i met up with her the night before our hearing (apparently she wanted to know if i was whoring aorund, i tried but didnt have enough time ,lol) convinced her to drop it all and some promises about things that made her happy. now that everything has gotten back to normal the marriage is stronger than before, although she no longer has access a credit card or bank card and we are putting the title of our house back into my parents name (in case she tries this again she wont see a penny). We have made it a point to communicate more about our problems more.

why this long explanation you wonder........to let you know your not alone meng, obviously diferent situations but it all does the same to us emotionally (especially since you have to go through this w/ a son as well :( )reading this thread has brought back memories, feelings of anger, sadness, love, hatred......but on the same token it helps you to become more alert, prepared, and somewhat distanced. This sometimes may be thought of as a bad thing but it's something unavoidable. I wish you the best through these times and will keep you in my prayers as well. if you want feel free to pm me (or anyone for that matter)for anything else you may feel unsure of.

women (:sighs: :shakes head: )

Edit: cute kid :)

[Cypher]

ummm... protection from abuse???

[jalmir]

^^^

what you don't beat the hell out of your wife??? ... Cypher your a weirdo!!!

nah jk :tongue:

as he said her familly was involved, the thing with that is that only one part of the story is said, they don't take any chance and emit those, like that the husband can't contact his ex and she can go without being afraid of the husband harassing her ... kinda overkill protection!

[toymachine566]

^^^

what you don't beat the hell out of your wife??? ... Cypher your a weirdo!!!

nah jk :tongue:

as he said her familly was involved, the thing with that is that only one part of the story is said, they don't take any chance and emit those, like that the husband can't contact his ex and she can go without being afraid of the husband harassing her ... kinda overkill protection!
^^^^bingo

she was (and still can be) more physical than I could ever be......I was more of the verbal/vulgar insulting type I thought thats why she got the pfa against me, harassment or some ****

i love her but i mainly wanted my son back.....i would do anything for him (even if that entails living with a complete psycho :redface: i keed i keed :tongue: )

her family however,
:bondage:
:2gunsfiri :Blasting_ :drive: :bang: :kick: :fiddle:

and i could care less :rolleyes:

[Cypher]

^^^

what you don't beat the hell out of your wife??? ... Cypher your a weirdo!!!

i'm guessing you don't realize how old i am! :abovelol:

[jalmir]

^^^

hehe no I don't ...



her family however,
:bondage:
:2gunsfiri :Blasting_ :drive: :bang: :kick: :fiddle:

and i could care less :rolleyes:

I know the drill, same problem with my ex's family ... a bunch of redneck breeded with psycho's ... now that I'm out of it I can see the fun parts! :tongue:

[Cypher]

heh i'm only 19

[toymachine566]

what a co-incidence...........me too :p

i did it to myself though.......well we did, i should say

sorry for the hi-jack Hyundia_90250 , i know this is a sensative subject :(

[Hyundia_90250]

sorry for the hi-jack Hyundia_90250 , i know this is a sensative subject :(


No prob it helps to laugh.......I kind of find it funny though...when we were still together she visited her parents(dad and step-mom,mom is worthless) at least 2 times a week now she might go over once a month.....long story.....anyways she told her step-mom I'll be gettin paperwork at the begining of the year......

[Hyundia_90250]

Well she and I had a fight today about Ryan and child support.....she wants me to pay $450 a month for Ryan to goto a private school plus a lil extra for cloths,food, and other stuff....basically it sounds like she wants all my money......... :mad: :nono: :pain10: :angryfire What did I do to deserve this?????? :wtf: I think her friends are putting this stuff in her head and everything............

[GrGaKC]

Well, if that's the way your arguments are going, than I'm sorry to say that there's no chance of getting back together. Sorry man... :(
The moment she starts thinking about the money..... She's gone. But I don't think she has the right to ask for a certain amount, otherwise all the divorced guys wouldn't have any money...

[ArunSenior04]

Well its all gonna be determined on how much you make. Its not a low percentage.

[toymachine566]

when i had this problem of her wanting half of the house and full custody i was told the same......its all based on what you make. Not only that but she wanted half of everything that was "aquired" during the marriage............after she emptied the house, wtf....

She can't just say thats what she wants.

and isnt private school a privilige type thing not a right? if so and she wants private school wouldnt she have to meet you half way?

its a tough thing to swallow, knowing that theres a third party influence......those are the people you really wanna hate no matter how much she says it was her decision :(

EDIT: i just remembered another song that really helped me out a lot........

All American Rejects - Move Along

it ay seem cliche now since all the little punker wanna-be kiddies overplay it,
but at the time i had just started listening to the cd (march)

[Kens GLS]

I know it's 25% (2 kids) of your GROSS salary in NY...

[Hyundia_90250]

Well dropped of my son today and she basically asked me if I got her e-mail about what she wants for "Ryan's fianances"....hmmm haven't got it yet....I have an appoitment with a group called United Fathers of America thats suppost to help me with all this,hope I get the e-mail first so I can take it with me.....plus in cali its what both of the parents make,well she makes more money than I do(over$2000 a month take home), so who knows....... :confused:

[zx2uner]

Hey buddy,

I am sorry for all the **** your going through. I am 22 now, but when I was 14, my parents went through a divorce and my mother asked for a *** load of money from my father too. I went to court on the day of the descision and spoke on behalf of my dad, he never asked me to, and said that I don't feel my dad should have to pay for anything since I chose to live with him (my mom moved into the city, and I chose to stay on the farm,) and the judge sided with me. My father ended up paying nothing to my mother. I hope something similair happens to you so you don't end up paying more than you should have to, Good Luck to you.

-ALex

[Hyundia_90250]

Well going for a second job today...hope it works out well....haven't heard from her for the last couple of days........maybe shes thinking about this.....yeah right...

[burkej62]

Becarful , my crazy [stinky poo poo head nasty wasty ] ex wife had friends putting everyhting into her head until she thouight that the state ordered child support wasn't enough and decided to try and steal ym car and sell it . Well she had a key so i guess it's not stealing . Oh gosh bad bad bad memories . good luck bro. down a beer and count your blessings . not to many beers tho.

[Alucardabyss]

Sounds like my bros story. But he was over in Afgahnstan fighting and such. All the money he made there his ex-wife took and spent it on crap. Then he had all his stuff in storage and she didn't pay it and they were going to take it all. Luckly my mom paid for it. It was pretty bad.

[Hyundia_90250]

Well just to pass an update......I have had it with her....I'm basically fed up, don't care, want it to end and will give her anything she wants and then she can goto hell...................but now her father and my mom have agreed to mediate this thing......told ALL involved I will be bring a tape recorder,will not be saing much,taking alot of notes,short answers...and most of all....AGREEING TO JACK ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad: :angryfire :thumbsdow :pain10: :nono:

[Hyundia_90250]

Hey everyone......doing o.k. I guess.....still have lingering denial but can't wait to start my life....Just wanted to say thanks to everyone on XD.... :bowdown: And hey super congrats man...hope you make it last.... :clap: :thumbsup:

[Hyundia_90250]

Hey all........I know that some time has gone by since I updated this thread....but now I'm REALLY down........my ex(or soon to be) wife has told me that she is taking a job with her work out of state......fine by me....but she plans to take or son with her......NO ****ING WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.......the last couple of months I have been doing o.k. ....moved in to my new apartment(staying there for about a month now......been hangin out with my friends.....and now this......I CANNOT LIVE WITH OUT MY SON.......her family is not happy about this...my family is not happy about this....her other ex-husband isn't happy about this....does she care......**** NO!!!!! I'm so upset by this I have cryed for fear of not haveing ryan near me after I promised myself I wuold shead no more tears for her......I would rather die than loose him.....in the last 6 months I have lost my family and now I'm loosing him.....I ask that every XD member pray for god to grant me the strength to get thru this.....I have nothing left....thanks.....

[Doohickie]

Just make sure you do what you can to be his dad. He'll remember it, and more imporantly it'll help him be a better dad when he grows up.

You may not feel like you're there for him, but he will know you are. And even though it seems like you'll never see him again, I'm sure you'll be able to arrange some kind of visitation. Hang in there.




Love wins.

[jayupark]

Definitely. Hang in there.

God has more angels than ceilings have cats. And they are watching over you.

RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There, I shouted one for you.

It's gonna be alright. Love does indeed win.

[GrGaKC]

I'm also sure it'll all be OK. Even if she takes him to another state, you can still visit... I know things don't look so great at the moment, but everything always sorts out! You just need to have faith...

[Hyundia_90250]

The thing of it is,all of our sons family is in cali.....shes moving back east.....I don't have the money to fly him for visiting...she has told everyone that she can't control him....always broke(eventhough she takes home at least $2600 a month) and does't pay for the kids to goto a private school(myslef and her other ex-husband does...totaling about $800)...she doesn't pay any rent or morgage....one car payment($585 for 5 more years)...wheres the money going.....why can't she leave ryan here and go.....I love my son way too much...I missed his birth...didn't get to see him till he was 5 1/2 months old....and now I won't get to see him much thru his life.....how is that fair to me and his grandparents? How come she has all these woes but can take a trip back east? If shes so broke, how come she has everything? Why does she get upset if people give her other means to stay?.....AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT DID I DO??!?!?!?!?!?!

[GrGaKC]

Well, that sucks! I have a question... Did she get legal custody over your son? I mean, by all this you said I think you could have a court order for your son to stay with you since she doesn't take too much notice on what's best for your son... At least that's what you could do here, not sure about USA.

[Hyundia_90250]

:help: leagly we are still married....just seperated pending divorce.......we both have leagal custody.......its that all his family(both hers and mine) are in califorina...when she leaves the only family he will be near is his mom and sister...thats it........

[FordFasteRR]

IF you both still have legal custody she is not allowed to leave the state where you both live.

Your lawyer should be able to clear this up right away.

The exact same thing happened to a friend of mine, his wife just up and left, took the kid to another state.

She got a court order within 1 week and HAD TO COME BACK or be arrested for kidnapping.


=)

[my01elantra]

Goodluck man, deff got my prayers

[04GTboySC]

good luck man you deff have my prayers to