[hyunelan2]

Well, my Fiance went up to Rockford (2hrs. north) on Monday to meet with the Florist and Baker and Photographer, and Organist. She's coming home tonight. We were supposed to go together last week when I was on vacation - but $hit happens and she had to do it this week. Her mother took vacation to spend time with her and do wedding stuff. This didn't bother me much, since quite frankly I care very little about flowers, pictures, wedding music and cake. So here I am thinking everything is for the better.

Last night I was talking to her on the phone and she was telling me about everything. I was doing the "uh, uh, yep, sounds good, really" routine while I watched the All-Star game. She was telling me all the mavels of cake frosting and organ playing... Then she got to the flowers...

Now a step back... when we got engaged we wanted a small wedding. We even considered flying away and getting married on a beach, but she wanted her fparents and friends to be there, so we decided on a SMALL wedding in her hometown. Then her mother got involved.

Fast forward back to last night. She tells me about the colors of the flowers "uhhuh, sounds good honey," I say as Pujols grounds out. Then she tells me the cost... NEARLY $2000! FOR F_CKING FLOWERS! Now if this were the cost for all wedding flowers I wouldn't have cared. But she got the bouquets, boutineers, fresh flowers for every damn table at the reception, fresh flowers to decorate the cake, rose pedals to put on the desert table and all other kinds of stuff. The flowers are Roses (def. not cheap in October) and something else. Why did this happen? Is it because she likes to spend money- NO... it's because her damn mother got involved again.

The same reason we have a ballroom at the clocktower instead of the airport lounge for the reception. The same reason there a 3x as many people invited to the wedding as I wanted. The same reason we're getting 18 bajillion pictures taken.

Granted, her parents are footing a large portion of the bill, but it's turning into a full scale fiasco, instead of our small wedding. I can pull off a black tie event with the best of them, but that doesn't mean I like them.

I'm starting to get pissed about this now, but what can I do?

Comments?

 

[04Elantra]

you are in the same situation as my two buddies (both married in the past two months)....women (incl. wives, mothers, etc) want huge fiascos (as you called it)....men just want it to be done well and be over with.....

I really should quit school and open up a business related to catering special events ($125 a plate, $750 for 5 hours of DJ)....they make a killing!

Good Luck man....it will soon be over...remember, a day only has 24 hours in it...that is the most you will have to bear with the actual occurrence of the "wedding day festivities"

 

[2GTS]

If someone else is paying the bill just have another beer and try to forget about it. I'm going through the wedding planning bs now as well and I can't wait for it to be over. I just want a honeymoon and a bunch of cards with cash in the middle but don't let the little lady hear that.

 

[Steve]

I probably shouldn't offer advice, seeing as I've failed to get married twice, got to within 2 days once, but anyway... if something bothers you, you should probably discuss it, in a calm reasonable manner. And you mentioned that most of this stuff doesn't interest you (same here), but take an interest, it is your wedding! Compromise where you can, but share your opinion for sure. That's what I'd do/did.

 

[hyunelan2]

I took interest where applicable (Limo, DJs, etc was all me) and I try to pretend I care about the things I don't (for example a half hour discussion on what flavor the filling will be on the bottom layer of the cake- I CAN'T EVEN EAT CAKE, I'M DIABETIC!) We have done everything together up to this point. She was of the feelings I am that she wanted little, small, and purposeful. Then her mother begins filling her head with all these ideas... i see her eyes light up and get excited, and I can't say no, especially if it's not me paying the bill. But it's getting a little blown out now.

 

[Jlivan]

Yeah, I started w/an idea to get married on the beach like you wanted. Well, my parents didn't want to drive down to the keys so I had to change that Idea....went for just a couple of close friends and family, I think around 25 people which it wasn't too bad I ended up have close to 40. But then My dad wanted a priest b/c of my grandfather. Your right, you have to sort of go towards their way since they are paying for a large amount. My parents basically paid for the reception hall and the chapel, me and my fiance (at the time) paid for the rest.

Is she have problems working w/people when she is 2hours away from everything? I was only 1 hour away from my location and just keeping things set on track through email is difficult enough.

$2000 for flowers? Where are you getting married? Is she decorating the whole church? My damn dress didn't even cost that. I am afraid to ask how much her dress did cost.

Did she already send out the invitations? Maybe talk to her about cutting some of the people off.....You never know maybe half of the won't show.

I have to finish my work here but when I get home I will look up how much I paid for flowers but, I opted to go w/fake flowers instead I just thought it was easier to create what I wanted.

ps. My husband didn't participate much in planning the wedding either, he picked out the tuxes and that was pretty much it. I guess it's just a girl thing.

+ She should atl east think about your feelings on the cake.....you can break away from traditions.

 

[HatchetMan]

If someone else is paying the bill just have another beer and try to forget about it.

Words to live by.

 

[jameswing]

I know how it goes. I'm planning for mine right now also.

At first it was going to be small 50 people, and now it at 120. At least she wants to keep the costs down, mainly because we're splitting the cost 75(me)/25(her). Our estimate is now at $12k, and thats not including a video, or pro photogripher (which she wants). Add another $2k for those, I just wanted to have a friend of my sisters take pictures.

Luckally my sister has worked for a florist and is going to do all of our flowers, but we're still looking at $700 for flowers.

With all of the money I'm gonna spend on this I could pay off my EXD, and do a lot of mods!!!!!

It all makes me want to take her to Vegas and alope. LOL

At least with the increased people, we will have more gifts.

 

[slvrsleeper]

You could pull a Kevin Kline and announce that you're gay at the altar! All kidding aside man, let your feelings be known NOW. Don't wait until its too late and everyone assumes either you don't care or your future wife runs the show and your opinion doesn't matter. Most importantly do not let your future in-laws get the idea that they are in charge of ANYTHING! It is your life that is being run right now you have to take gentle steps to get it back. I was very very lucky in that my wife and I saw eye to eye on the wedding thing (We eloped, no family, no friends, no nothing, just us) That was what we wanted and that was what we did. My mother just about had an apoplexy when I told her but you know what? Every one got over their hurt feelings before we got back from our honeymoon (Which we paid for ourselves) The most important thing is that you really don't want to start your married life feelng beholden to anyone, least of all family. Course, thats just my opinion, I could be wrong.... BTW I'm also diabetic are you Type I or Type II?

 

[hyunelan2]

I'm not too worried about the inlaws running our life thing. They're 2 hours away, and the reason they gave for wanting it to be a big deal is because theirs was small and they wished they would have had a big wedding, so this is kinda like their way to make up for it. We're paying for the Honeymoon all on our own, so that's ours completely ($4,200 for a week in St. Lucia). Also, we did the dress (she did), limo, dj, invitations, tuxes, and a couple other things without any interference from them.

I'm a Type 1 diabetic, diagnosed March 5, 1999. I was 19 at the time, which is very strange to get type 1 at that age. It sucks, but it's more of a PITA than a huge problem most of the time. I end up in the hospital for it about once every 2-3 years. I'm pretty convinced I won't live to see retirement because of it.

 

[watson80]

you only do it once. Gut it out and make it as good of a wedding as you can. It is a special day for you two. It wont hurt to let her make her dream wedding!

 

[Rixation]

I know this doesn't help you much, but this is exactly why my wife and I just went to the courthouse and did a 30 minute get in, get out, get on with your life ceremony with a very small reception at her parents house. No decorations, no flowers, no wedding dress....just $50 cake from Publix or something like that. Total expense of my wedding = about $80. Either way you look at it, it's about making each of you happy and getting that little peice of paper saying your life as a free man is OVER.

 

[watson80]

I disagree I would like to have a nice wedding not a wam bam thank you reverand!